Monday, January 10, 2011

Day 2 Cautiously Optimistic DD

Day  2:    Weight:  244 lb       So, it seems that almost 6lbs were water weight just from being so inflamed and bloated as a result of eating  C.R.A.P.

I don't have a definite plan . My usual MO is to go and pay someone else money, and then not to follow their diet, but to do my own, very radical thing anyway. This time has to be different. We all know the definition of insanity, right? Well, the insanity STOPS HERE! I have to figure out a way to be healthy and lose weight without depriving myself so much that I have "on" and "off" days. This is not a diet. I am also not recommending it to anyone else. This is just me figuring out what can work for me, long term.

OK, lets look at yesterday: I had a bagel with cream cheese, because we still had the leftovers from the week-end, and I'm not about wasting..(think of all the starving kids in Africa)
Then I had another one, because there was one more left...
Counted the calories of that little mistake this morning, and it was: 800 calories just for that measly breakfast!
I got busy, and skipped lunch, which, I know, is also wrong..
For dinner Hubby BBQ ed chicken thighs and we had potato boiled in the skin with it..470 calories. I was good and did not have butter on my potato, but I suppose I have to confess that I had a teensy glass of red wine with it.

Hubby is off Monday and Tuesday, and we had a nice family time with our oldest son around the BBQ.
And I love my red wine...
OK, dang it! I admit, I had two glasses....375 calories
That comes to 1645 calories  for the day. Not horrible, but not good , either. The good news is...the wine is finished, too. No more temptation.

I did not have enough water...only 32 oz which is already an improvement on the 0 oz I have been having.
So, for today,
          I aim to have more water, 
           3 x 400 cal. meals, plus  maybe a 100 cal. snack.
          and some form of exercise.

My good friend, Amey, has been harassing me every morning real early with texts to come walk with her. I think I will stop ignoring them and go for the hour walk, even if only God is awake at that hour...
This morning I had to take my daughter to her Enrichment program an hour away, so I missed the walk.
I will try and go tonight while Hubby and Daughter are at Kung Fu.

The skinny girl inside of me will not be shut up with chocolate anymore!


Sunday, January 9, 2011

Day 1: Not too bad...FF

Weight:  223 pounds.  Sounds better than 250, doesn't it?  Ok, take into consideration that I am at least 7 inches shorter than my BFF - so it does not sound so great any longer. 

The competitive spirit in me is awakened by this blog- you show me yours, and I will get out a bigger one and flash it in your face.
Normal diets:  Weight Watchers, Weigh less, mediteranian, fit for life, fabulous for life, fanatic about your weight for life etc.
Scary diets:  Eat as much rice as you want, but only rice; eat only as much as you want brown rice, eat only a cup of brown rice, eat only half a cup of brown rice every day, eat anything but rice.  Rub the beads behind your ears and drink only milk, (that one worked!).

I have always been chubby (ok, i prefer that cute term to describe rolls of fat) and was definitely below average looking.  I was even a fat bride, and soon after my first marriage I lost a significant amount of weight and kept it off till I stopped smoking and had an extremely colicy baby.  Those two elements combined put 60 pounds on my small frame within 3 months.  So I started to smoke again and did not lose a single pound.  Quit for health reasons - aha.... another 20 found me.  Started again to lose the weight.  Did not lose a pound.  Quit again for health reasons - put on another 30.  All in all i have quit smoking at least 5 times (currently in a quitting) - hopefully final and more than 100 pounds have found me. 

Why not exercise?

I cant diet any more.  I used to be able to, but now it is like pulling teeth.  When the word Diet comes up, i start to salivate just thinking about kitchen cabinets (yeah, the wooden part).  Too rebellious to think of that kind of deprivation.

 I have to find a way to lose weight unobtrusively, because if my mind find out that i am dieting, there will be at least 10 pounds coming my way.  So, my whole thing is to diet secretly.  So HUSH.... HERE WE GO.

Day 1: WTF ??? (DD)

Day 1:  Weight:     250lbs !!!!    Be still my very shocked and overworked heart...
                    Days on diet:   4980 ..on and off, give  or take a few days...

                    Books on dieting bought:    28

             Book on dieting read:          0

             Kinds of diets tried:             34 plus

      Money spent trying to lose weight:   Too scared to calculate, but at least $5000 or more...

            Weight lost:                  Easily 400 lbs or more

            Weight gained back:   Easily 480lbs or more

            Height:  5' 4
            Age:      40 something

Hi There!

We'll call me DD as in Divine Diva, or, more suited Double D, as in know...cup wise. And I'm not talking Starbucks here. Although, come to think of it, wouldn't it be funny if they started naming their cup or drink sizes Double A, A, B, C, D, DD, etc?

OK, getting back to the topic at hand, which is, and always has been, my weight....
We are one week into the new year 2011, and I am so not motivated. Would rather be on the couch watching Netflix, but yesterday, my BFF (best Fat Friend) or only fat friend for that matter, made me get on the scale.

 This blog was her idea. Let's call her FF . Fat and Fabulous, or Fabulously Fat. Not cup size...I don't think.
This blog  is about the only thing I am willing to commit to at this point. Maybe it will help if I journal about it.
I feel totally defeated.
250 Friggin pounds! That is more than most football players!

I read the other day that if you want to go in a hot air balloon, you have to pay $50 extra if you weigh more than 200lbs!
Not that I want to go in one, I'm afraid of heights, but still..jeezz.

The reason I am so shocked is that I don't feel like a fat person.
When I see my reflexion in a mirror unexpectedly, or when I see pictures of myself, I am always shocked, because that is not who I am.I was never the fat kid in school. I was the popular,active, sporty, relatively pretty one. Not beauty queen pretty, but above average I would say. (Depending of course what your average was...big frog, small pool, was probably the case, but who cares?)

I was very active, but I have always loved the wrong things. Sugar, carbs, and fat. The more decadent, the better. Have also never felt guilty about eating all those calories. I love to eat! That's just my problem.

So, when I got married, the pounds started packing on. I gained 25lbs on my 10 day long honeymoon, for crying out loud!
My poor husband...he thought he married an average sized not to bad looking girl, and ended up with a beached whale in high heels and make-up.

I am a really good dieter. I am of the all or nothing mindset, though.
At whatever diet club I am, I am always one of the model dieters in the beginning. I can lose weight, that is not my problem. It is keeping it off that has proven to be impossible. When I diet, I diet, but when I'm not on a diet, I eat anything and everything.

I have to mention that I have never stuck my finger down my throat, or taken laxatives or water pills to lose weight. I can eat like a bulimic, I can just not throw up...
My sister and I once tried chewing our food and spitting it out....almost gave my mom a heart attack! There was no fun in that, anyway. Now I hear some people actually do that to lose weight.... Ick.

I have taken many, many diet pills, however. Obviously that was not the answer. Nowadays they are not as easy to come by, and they don't work  for me anymore anyway.

I am at a point where I realize it has to be about more than being skinny. I want to be healthy. I want to feel alive and full of energy. I want to climb the stairs without sounding like an asthmatic pig.
I used to like exercise. I used to be fit. I want to be again....before I turn 50.

Join me as I try to figure this out...