Day 1: WTF ??? (DD)

Day 1:  Weight:     250lbs !!!!    Be still my very shocked and overworked heart...
            
                    Days on diet:   4980 ..on and off, give  or take a few days...

                    Books on dieting bought:    28

             Book on dieting read:          0

             Kinds of diets tried:             34 plus

      Money spent trying to lose weight:   Too scared to calculate, but at least $5000 or more...

            Weight lost:                  Easily 400 lbs or more



            Weight gained back:   Easily 480lbs or more

            Height:  5' 4
     
            Age:      40 something

Hi There!

We'll call me DD as in Divine Diva, or, more suited Double D, as in ...you know...cup wise. And I'm not talking Starbucks here. Although, come to think of it, wouldn't it be funny if they started naming their cup or drink sizes Double A, A, B, C, D, DD, etc?

OK, getting back to the topic at hand, which is, and always has been, my weight....
We are one week into the new year 2011, and I am so not motivated. Would rather be on the couch watching Netflix, but yesterday, my BFF (best Fat Friend) or only fat friend for that matter, made me get on the scale.

 This blog was her idea. Let's call her FF . Fat and Fabulous, or Fabulously Fat. Not cup size...I don't think.

This blog  is about the only thing I am willing to commit to at this point. Maybe it will help if I journal about it.

I feel totally defeated.

250 Friggin pounds! That is more than most football players!

I read the other day that if you want to go in a hot air balloon, you have to pay $50 extra if you weigh more than 200lbs!
Not that I want to go in one, I'm afraid of heights, but still..jeezz.

The reason I am so shocked is that I don't feel like a fat person.
When I see my reflexion in a mirror unexpectedly, or when I see pictures of myself, I am always shocked, because that is not who I am.I was never the fat kid in school. I was the popular,active, sporty, relatively pretty one. Not beauty queen pretty, but above average I would say. (Depending of course what your average was...big frog, small pool, was probably the case, but who cares?)

I was very active, but I have always loved the wrong things. Sugar, carbs, and fat. The more decadent, the better. Have also never felt guilty about eating all those calories. I love to eat! That's just my problem.

So, when I got married, the pounds started packing on. I gained 25lbs on my 10 day long honeymoon, for crying out loud!
My poor husband...he thought he married an average sized not to bad looking girl, and ended up with a beached whale in high heels and make-up.

I am a really good dieter. I am of the all or nothing mindset, though.

At whatever diet club I am, I am always one of the model dieters in the beginning. I can lose weight, that is not my problem. It is keeping it off that has proven to be impossible. When I diet, I diet, but when I'm not on a diet, I eat anything and everything.

I have to mention that I have never stuck my finger down my throat, or taken laxatives or water pills to lose weight. I can eat like a bulimic, I can just not throw up...
My sister and I once tried chewing our food and spitting it out....almost gave my mom a heart attack! There was no fun in that, anyway. Now I hear some people actually do that to lose weight.... Ick.

I have taken many, many diet pills, however. Obviously that was not the answer. Nowadays they are not as easy to come by, and they don't work  for me anymore anyway.

I am at a point where I realize it has to be about more than being skinny. I want to be healthy. I want to feel alive and full of energy. I want to climb the stairs without sounding like an asthmatic pig.
I used to like exercise. I used to be fit. I want to be again....before I turn 50.

Join me as I try to figure this out...
                  
                    xoxo
                     DD